And The Beat Goes On

Usually I post on Wednesday, but I couldn't think of anything witty or educational to say.  Not that anything has come to mind now either, but I need to check in.  I hope all who read this are doing well.  My life is still extremely stressful with the situation with my mother.  I went to visit her on Friday and it took her almost 5 minutes before she realized who I was.  It is depressing, frustrating and just plain old sad.  And guilt provoking.  Could I possibly be doing more for her?  Is this truly the best for her?  While telling myself that I am doing the best I can with what I have, it is very tempting to reach for the fries, the cake, the tequila.  I'm certain if it was just me on a diet, I'd succumb to that urge a heck of a lot more than I am.  As it is, a lot of the progress I made in eating very healthy has somewhat gone by the wayside.  Not enough hours in the day, too many other things that need to be done and a much changed financial picture has me juggling the food budget.  Trust me, there is a reason they call fast food convenience food.  I really need to take an entire day and revamp my life.  Perhaps I'll have a day come February.  Such is the story of my life.

Weight Lost This Week:   0.6 lbs.
Total Weight Lost:          16.6 lbs.

Reaping Rewards

I would like to say that the stress level has gotten better since my last entry...yeah, I would LIKE to say that, but it's not true.  We are still in a holding pattern with my mom, but we will have the opportunity to take her out of the Health and Rehab Center for a bit on Saturday and see how she does.  So at least, for this week, there are no decisions to be made.

This Friday I get to relax during a one hour massage that I gave to myself in celebration of losing 10 pounds and keeping it off.  Though I have lost more, this Friday was the first day I had free to schedule it.  Living a healthier lifestyle should be reward enough, (and keeping my liver, thank you very much) but let's face it, we are human and I too like the idea of a "prize" at the end of the tunnel.  We are a society that also tends to use food as a reward.  Played a great game?  The team goes out for pizza.  Got good grades?  Ice cream sundaes all around.  Finished that tough project at work?  Happy hour at the local bar.  Take some time to think about your own rewards, and how can you trade those bad prizes into something more meaningful.  Even if food is not your ultimate blue ribbon, do we really need another pair of shoes or another top?  Okay, maybe that is pushing it too far, but I'm sure you get the drift.  Making yourself feel good does not have to be about food.  There are other experiences or treats out there.  Though a one hour massage is going to cost me more than a blouse would, to me a massage is the ultimate "take care of yourself" experience.  It is not only good for the body, but good for the soul.  If my budget would allow it, I'd have one at least every month.  Alas, that is not the case, which makes this reward special.  My pot of gold at the end of the 10 pound rainbow.

Now to come up with something for 20 pounds.

Weight Lost This Week - 0.6 lbs.
Total Weight Lost -        15.4 lbs.

Stress

The problem with making a commitment to do anything on a regular basis is that once in awhile life gets in the way.  Back in June when all this liver stuff was new and scary, I made an excellent decision to create a blog in order to be held accountable for my actions.  It has worked amazingly well for me - I have that anxious moment on Wednesday mornings before I get on the scale, wondering what I'm going to have to admit to on that week's entry.  But it helps to keep me in line during the rest of the week.

The problem is that my next doctor's appointment is not until December - and there really isn't that much to talk about right now as far as my liver goes (the liver isn't exactly that exciting) but there is a heck of a lot going on in my life right now that adds to my stress level - and stress can be very detrimental to your liver.  What's going on you may ask.  So please bear with me while I list some of the things in a way to put it out there and take a deep breath and hopefully push some of the heavy energy aside.

My mom, who has lived with us for the last 17 years, is not doing well.  She has dementia...some days she's fairly good, some days she's not.  She has been diagnosed with cancer.  She is currently in a Rehabilitation and Health Center because a little over a month ago she fell down the stairs.  They are looking at sending her back home at the end of next week.  She has improved in her walking and balance to the point where there will be no more improvement.  But that doesn't necessarily mean that she is "fine" to come home.  When it was suggested that she stay there due to the dementia issues, we found out that she falls into a different category and so there are financial concerns now, since it would be "long term care."  In a nutshell, she makes too much money between my dad's measly pension and Social Security to qualify for federal/state financial aid, but too little to be able to pay for the facility herself.  She's in that gray area that most families are now finding themselves in as they care for their elderly parents.  Her shortfall is between $372 and $438 per month - depending on whether or not there are 30 or 31 days.  Where is an 86 year old woman who exhausted her savings a long time ago (mostly due to other medical expenses such as the heart attack she had when she was 77).  I have no brothers or sisters, so there is no other help, and we can't pay that.  So we are in this back and forth mode with the facility on what to do about mom.  I know she really wants to come home, and it would be great to give her some happiness during this final stage, but she also needs to be safe too.

Stress?  Just a tad.  But somehow I managed to get back on track as far as the weight goes.

Weight Lost This Week:    0.8 lbs.
Total Weight Lost:           14.8 lbs.