The Jeans

Ever since I was young, I have had a belly.  As in a gut.  Beer belly.  Belly fat.  Whatever you want to call it.  Even  at 5 ft. 6 and 110 lbs.  There was always the stomach.  I knew my relationships with boyfriends were ending when they started complaining "When are you going to do something about that gut of yours?  Get rid of it!"  110 lbs and I was too fat to be loved.

Two abdominal surgeries and a pregnancy didn't help matters any.  The excess belly fat became worse.  I now understand that some of it may have been caused by the food I was eating (sugar) and surgery can do strange things to abdominal muscles but that doesn't help with self esteem.  Especially when it came to buying clothes.  In particular, pants.  Especially jeans.

If the jeans fit in the waist, they were ridiculously baggy through the legs and hips.  If they had a nice fit through the legs, there was no way I was going to be able to zip them up...and buttoning them was out of the question.  I finally resorted to elastic waist jeans - my only option as the weight...and the stomach...grew.  At first, the jeans only needed to have elastic in the back, but more recently they needed to have a full elastic waist.  Old lady pants as my daughter pointed out.  Didn't help that I turned gray in my 40's too.  My first question when I tried on clothes in the fitting room...pants, jeans (and yes, dresses and skirts too) was "How does my stomach look in this?"  Not how do I look in this, but my stomach.

As the weight has slowly come off I have felt a shift in the weight distribution in my body.  People were amazed when I said I had only lost 8 - 9 or 10 pounds.  I felt my clothes hanging differently on my body.  So a few days ago when I needed to pick up some clothes for my mom at the store, I found myself flipping through a rack of jeans that were on clearance.  70% off with an additional 20% that day.  I looked at the few that were left in my size and found one that I liked.  But of course, no elastic waist.  None at all.  I put them back on the rack.

Try me on the jeans called to me. What?  If I try them on, and they look horrid, I'll be depressed.  If I can't even zip them up, I'll feel like these past weeks haven't made a dent and I'll want to drown my sorrows over a Big Mac and fries.  But each time I tried to turn away, that little voice in my head urged me to take them to the fitting room.   

I listened to the voice.  I entered the little cubicle and started to put them on.  I could see that they fit  well in the legs - but the moment of truth was yet to come.  And then?  Good, I can get them over my hips, oh my! The zipper went up fairly easily...and...and...

It probably took all of 2 seconds for my eyes to fill with tears as I stood looking in the mirror wearing a buttoned pair of jeans with no elastic.

For the first time in years.  No - for the first time in decades.  I cried in that fitting room, over a simple pair of $6 jeans.  Because I could BUTTON THEM.  Truth be told, they were a little snug, but I could sit!  I could squat!  I could BREATHE.  And the legs looked great too! 

There was no way I was going home without them. I haven't even worn them yet, but during the weekend when temptation reared it's head, all I had to do was think about those jeans.  It was the perfect "gift" for losing those first 10 pounds.  A surprise one at that.  The best kind.

Weight Lost This Week - 1.0 lbs.
Total Weight Lost -        11.4 lbs.